Coping with Loss: Finding Meaning and Taking Steps Forward
Losing a loved one is an intense human experience. The path of grief is deeply personal and often perplexing, and it can be difficult to know where to turn for emotional support after loss. While many are familiar with models like the five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the grieving process is often more complex. As a specialist in grief and loss coaching, I have found that individuals often struggle to make sense of loss, and the outcome of that struggle can have a profound impact on their adjustment.
Grief Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All
Although the five stages of grief might be well-known, numerous studies, including my own, reveal that grief doesn’t always follow a set pattern. In my own research, many grieving individuals didn’t navigate through clear-cut stages. Their responses were deeply connected to the personal meanings they attributed to their loss. Those who could extract positive or benign meaning, be it through a religious context, personal growth angle, or another perspective, often faced fewer challenges in their grieving process.
Seeking Meaning after the Death of a Loved One
Finding meaning after the loss of someone close to us can be daunting. Pondering questions like “Why did this happen?” or “How do I picture a life without them?” is common. While there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer, there are ways to spark new thoughts, emotions, and insights to aid in reframing the loss experience.
Navigating Grief with Supportive Exercises
Here are some recommended exercises to facilitate new understandings of a loss:
1. Documenting Your Experience: Journaling about a loss offers a variety of potential benefits. Expressing thoughts, feelings, and memories not only provides clarity but also offers a unique way to label emotions and discover connections. For instance, set aside some time to write about what happened, the most challenging moments, and your ways of coping with them. Reflect on the strategies that worked and how you currently perceive the loss.
2. Making Sense of the Loss: Explore your beliefs and perceptions surrounding the loss’s causes and context. Whether it’s influenced by environmental circumstances, a divine power, or personal convictions, reflecting on these beliefs about the loss can provide important insight. A useful exercise might be to journal about how the loss does and does not make sense to you, focusing on the extent to which it aligns with your beliefs about yourself, others, or the world in general.
3. Integrating Pre- and Post-Loss Identities: Following a significant loss, it’s common for individuals to feel disconnected from their previous selves. If this resonates with you, reflect on the changes and consistencies in your life journey before and after the loss. Identifying threads that tie these phases together, even the challenging ones, can help foster a coherent sense of personal identity. Consider: How does the “you before the loss” differ from the “you after the loss”? Which aspects of your personality have remained consistent? For instance, some might realize that identifying as “a survivor” or “a fighter” is a narrative theme present in their life both prior to and following a loss.
4. Engaging with Continuing Bonds: Even after the physical loss of a loved one, our relationship with them doesn’t simply end. Similar to our ties with those still with us, this relationship keeps evolving. We actively shape how this continued bond manifests. For a richer understanding, reflect on your loved one’s positive attributes, their ongoing influence on your worldview, and ways to integrate their legacy into everyday life. However, for those feeling a weight of “unfinished business” with the deceased, seeking grief and loss coaching could be beneficial.
5. Recognizing Growth: Consider ways you may have grown or experienced ‘blessings in disguise’ because of this challenging journey. It’s not about minimizing the pain but identifying any unexpected benefits or wisdom gleaned from the experience. Reflect on the constructive changes in your life, relationships, or personal goals after the loss. How has this experience reshaped your values and life’s purpose?
Emotional Support After Loss
If you or someone you know is navigating the grieving process, consider grief and loss coaching. As a professional offering life coaching after the death of a loved one, I’ve seen firsthand how emotional support after loss can be a powerful catalyst for growth and a renewed sense of purpose in life. Take the first step today. Complete a Contact Us form on the website to talk to Dr. Holland about how the two of you might walk this journey together.
