1. Give yourself space to grieve.

Just because it was a choice, doesn’t make a divorce or break-up any less of a loss.

These days psychologists tend to think about loss a little differently than they did, say 40 years ago, when Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s stages of loss (i.e., moving from denial, anger, bargaining, and depression to acceptance) dominated much of the conversation on the topic.

Today, loss is more often viewed as an ever-changing process that involves bouncing back-and-forth between two competing needs to: (a) Attend to the loss itself, perhaps by feeling and processing feelings related to it or trying to make sense of what happened, and (b) Build a renewed life, perhaps by investing in other relationships, interests, or pursuits that feel meaningful and important.

The basic idea is that neither of these “modes” is inherently good or bad, or better than the other. Rather, problems arise when we spend all of our time in one at the exclusion of the other.

In other words, it might be counterproductive to spend all day hugging the tissue box and stalking your ex on social media. However, it can be equally destructive to devote a lot of mental energy trying to avoid thoughts and feelings related to the breakup.  

So, what’s the takeaway? Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you’re honestly feeling after a breakup. Feelings are not your enemy. It’s how you relate to them that matters—more on that next.  

2. Give yourself space to grow.

Just as it is important to give yourself space to grieve; it is also important to give yourself space to grow.

Though it may be hard to imagine at first, people who have gone through a major breakup often say that they’ve grown because of it. Some may have learned to be a better partner, express their needs more clearly, or clarify what they’re really looking for in a relationship.

It takes time to come to these personal revelations and there’s certainly no need to rush. However, taking time to slowly listen and learn from your feelings and reflections about the relationship can be useful.

We don’t typically think of it this way in everyday life; however, emotions may be viewed as messages sent from the self, addressed to the self, about the self. As a life transition coach, I often encourage clients to sit with their feelings for little while, guided by the belief that feelings (even difficult ones) about a broken relationship may have something to teach us.   

When you are ready, find time to allow such emotions to simply exist without recoiling from them or trying to immediately change them.

Ask yourself, what is it exactly that I am feeling right now? Is it hurt or shame over the past, or maybe worry about the future? And what would it take right now to reassure or soothe myself in this state? How might I do that for myself? What do these feelings have to say about what is most important for me to look for in a future partner (when ready)?

The answers to such questions may provide hints for areas of self-learning and growth.

3. Stay active and reward yourself.

If after a breakup it’s “your thing” to put on your pajamas and binge watch all of your favorite television shows, go for it! Do that for a few days if you need to. But try not to dwell there too long.

Too often we think about these things as occurring in only one direction. The reasoning often goes: I’m sitting around in my PJs all day because I feel so bad.   

However, it works the other way around too, more often than you might think. Reversing the logic from before, we might then say: I feel so bad because I’m sitting around in my PJs all day.

The idea here is that if your day-to-day life is filled with marathon couch-surfing sessions, then there’s probably little opportunity for you to have new experiences that could (at least temporarily) help to snap you out of a mental funk.

As a life transition coach, I often encourage clients to make a list of 10 activities that nourish them. It could be something that gives them a sense of: (a) empowerment (e.g., going to kickboxing class), (b) meaning (e.g., reading an inspirational book), (c) pleasure (e.g., enjoying your favorite meal), (d) relaxation (e.g., going for a walk), or (e) gratitude (e.g., prayer or meditation).

Try it yourself. For two weeks, make an intentional effort to do two activities on the list each day. It can’t happen by accident, though. It needs to be done with the specific purpose of carving out space to do something good for you.

If you’re “really busy” right now, that’s okay. These activities can take as little as 30 seconds (e.g., looking out the window and appreciating the view), if that’s all your busy life can allow.

The most important thing is that you are doing these activities with the specific intention of taking care of yourself.       

4. Invest in Relationships.

As a life transition coach, after a divorce or break-up, I avoid making any hard and fast rules about the “right” amount of time to take before getting involved romantically with someone else.

Some may feel perfectly comfortable getting back on the dating scene right away; whereas, others may need more time. Trust your instincts on what feels best for you.

However, just because you are taking some time before dating, doesn’t mean that you need to isolate yourself.

Relationships are powerful. Surround yourself with supportive people. Their validation and encouragement may be the best medicine for heartache.

Even if you don’t feel like talking about your ex, simply doing things you enjoy with other people can provide a much needed sense of connection after a breakup.

Virtual Life Transition Coaching Services After Divorce:

Balance is the key. Give yourself time and space to grieve the loss of the relationship and consider what might be learned from the experience, even if it was a bad one. But don’t spend all of your time in the past. Make sure you are also engaged in meaningful activity and investing in the relationships that matter most to you.

And if the journey feels overwhelming, life transition coaching after divorce can be a lifeline. Dr. Jason Holland offers specialized life coaching after divorce, both online through his virtual life coaching services and in-person in Gallatin, TN. Embrace the chance for a new chapter, and remember, every ending heralds a new beginning. Your future awaits.

The post Rebuilding After Divorce: Finding Your Path to a New Beginning appeared first on Holland Expert Psych Solutions.

Life Coaching or Therapy: Which Is Right for You?

Here’s a relatable analogy: if you think of life coaching as your personal trainer guiding you towards achieving your fitness goals, therapy then resembles the rehab specialist helping you mend from an injury.

Life coaching is perfect for those looking to grow in specific areas of their lives. While they might face challenges, they’re generally stable emotionally and mentally. If the weight of your emotions makes even the simplest tasks feel monumental, or if hopelessness has become your unwanted companion, then a professional therapist or counselor is probably the right choice for you. However, if you’re managing the daily grind but want to hone skills, set clear goals, and maximize your potential, then life coaching with experts like Dr. Jason Holland, a respected Life Coach in Gallatin, Tennessee could be your ticket.

A Peek Behind the Curtain: Regulatory Differences

One critical distinction to note is the regulatory environment. In many countries, including the U.S., psychotherapy and counseling are more strictly regulated than life coaching. This stringent regulation ensures therapists have standardized qualifications.

However, the world of life coaching offers a vast tapestry of expertise, with professionals coming from diverse backgrounds. While this diversity can be an asset, it’s crucial to verify your life coach’s credentials, ensuring they’re equipped to guide you effectively. This becomes even more vital given the comparatively lax regulations surrounding life coaching.

Coaching vs. Therapy: Approach Matters

While both life coaches and therapists often specialize based on their expertise, their approach can differ. A therapist often dives deep into your psyche, helping unravel complex emotional knots spanning your past, present, and future. Life Transition Coaching, conversely, is more like a laser, often concentrating on the ‘here-and-now’—it’s about setting goals, addressing current challenges, and crafting actionable solutions.

The Insurance Quandary: A Thing or Two to Consider

Here’s the tricky bit: insurance. While therapy might be covered by your insurance, life coaching usually isn’t. And while using insurance for therapy seems appealing, it’s prudent to be aware of its pitfalls:

• Confidentiality Concerns: Seeking therapy via insurance could leave a paper trail that surfaces during federal background checks or other vital junctures.

• Mandatory Diagnosis: To have therapy covered by insurance, you must be diagnosed, even if inappropriate. This diagnosis sticks with you, etched in your permanent medical record.

• Restricted Treatment Choices: With insurance, it’s often not you or your therapist but the insurance company that calls the shots regarding your treatment frequency and duration.

Given these considerations, if freedom, confidentiality, and personalized treatment plans resonate with you, bypassing insurance and venturing into life coaching could be compelling.

Your Path Forward

While the differences between life coaching and therapy can appear nuanced, they’re crucial when you’re seeking the best guidance. Consider life coaching if you:

• Face significant challenges but are generally stable.
• Have specific goals in mind.
• Are willing to bypass insurance for greater freedom and confidentiality.

And with the option of Wellness Coaching Online, you can connect with Dr. Holland from anywhere in the world for your Life Transition Coaching needs.

On the flip side, therapy might be your best bet if you:

• Are deeply distressed by emotional or behavioral concerns.
• Find mental health challenges significantly disrupting your daily life.
• Must rely on health insurance to pay for sessions.

Life Transition Coaching with Dr. Jason Holland

If you’re navigating life’s shifting sands—be it loss, grief, career changes, or just the overarching ebb and flow of existence—reach out. Dr. Jason Holland, a seasoned Clinical Psychologist, offers specialized Life Transition Coaching and Wellness Coaching Online, ensuring you’re not only supported but truly empowered on your transformative journey. Whether you’re seeking a Life Coach in Gallatin, Tennessee, or anywhere else, Dr. Holland is ready to assist.

Why wait? Your future teems with possibilities. Connect with Dr. Holland today through our Contact Us form on the website, and set foot on a path paved with positive change. Your best self awaits.

The post Life Coach vs. Therapy: Navigating the Path to Your Best Self appeared first on Holland Expert Psych Solutions.